Perhaps it is the last five days of grey. Perhaps the fact that the return to Standard Time from Daylight Savings requires me to drive to work during dawn and drive home at dusk. Perhaps it is the migraine that has been developing since 10 o'clock this morning. But I am completely bored with my job. It has gone past the merely 'unfun' stage through the 'only-for-the-paycheck' stage to the mind-numbing, soul-stealing boredom that threatens to become hatred. Actually, my unhappiness has spilled over into hatred several times today. I know that on occasions everyone dislikes their jobs, that nothing can be enjoyable, engaging, or enlightening eternally, however, I don't know that I ever felt any of those things about this job. It isn't just the fault of the job.
I took this job after a year and a half of unemployment following graduating from university. I believe desperate is proper descriptive. And there were lots of benefits to the job. My coworkers, despite their daily amazement that I don't know the inner thoughts of the office printer, are good people who do their jobs and do them well. They enjoy them in a way I don't understand. My job has absolutely nothing to do with my degree, or with any of the four other majors I declared while finding my way through higher education. I took this job as a stop-gap, a means to becoming an independent adult. I thought that I would spend a year figuring out what I want to do with my life while gaining the means to support myself. But in the intervening 22 months I have become more confused, more adrift in a sea of possibilities.
I had considered going back to school to pursue another degree. I even met with some of the local university's advisors, but I was faced with another dilemma. Did I really want to graduate from school and start a new career at the age of 30? Did I want to stay working in this job until I graduate at the age of 30? The majority of the voices in my head think not. Then the minority of the voices ask what else I'm going to do in those intervening years. And silence ensues. Until someone in the office needs me to translate the blinking lights on the office printer.