All people dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their mind, wake in the morning to find that it was vanity. But the dreamers of the day are dangerous people, for they dream their dreams with open eyes, and make them come true.Lately, I have been thinking a lot about what the future holds for me. I contemplated going back to school to get a degree in history teaching. I already have a degree in international politics and I thought it might be my calling to open the eyes of students to the world around them. That struck me as highly narcissistic. I also had to face the realities of going back to school, for degree in which I had only one possibly transferable credit, at the ripe age of 27. I also had to face the financial obligations involved and that, added with the stress of my birthday, the coming holidays, certain pre-existing financial obligations, and the very short time frame for applying to my local university tamped the fire. It is still an option I mull over every so often, but I am unable to come to a concrete decision.
~T.E. Lawrence (Lawrence of Arabia)
Part of the problem is that I love learning. I have a certain intellectual curiosity that delights on opening new worlds. How long that delight lasts depends on the subject, as evidenced by the four majors I went through during my first university career. But for the most part I find the world, its inhabitants, its galactic neighbors, and its inner workings fascinating. Who is to say I wouldn’t find teaching history and civics to groups of apathetic adolescents trying after a year or two? Maybe I should focus on library sciences, as my idea of Heaven involves an infinite, well-appointed library and eternity? Or maybe I should embark on an even more daunting endeavor and write a novel?
The problem I have found is that there are too many possibilities and no dream. The possibilities are good, productive, and satisfying to at least some part of my psyche, but I haven’t found a passion. Perhaps that was the problem during my previous experience with higher education. I found lots of interests, but few with real sticking power. So now I’m floating, finding comfort in the distracting world of sleeping dreams, and seeking a dream to follow in the waking world.