16 November 2005

My Own Personal Treasure Hunt

All people dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their mind, wake in the morning to find that it was vanity. But the dreamers of the day are dangerous people, for they dream their dreams with open eyes, and make them come true.
~T.E. Lawrence (Lawrence of Arabia)
Lately, I have been thinking a lot about what the future holds for me. I contemplated going back to school to get a degree in history teaching. I already have a degree in international politics and I thought it might be my calling to open the eyes of students to the world around them. That struck me as highly narcissistic. I also had to face the realities of going back to school, for degree in which I had only one possibly transferable credit, at the ripe age of 27. I also had to face the financial obligations involved and that, added with the stress of my birthday, the coming holidays, certain pre-existing financial obligations, and the very short time frame for applying to my local university tamped the fire. It is still an option I mull over every so often, but I am unable to come to a concrete decision.

Part of the problem is that I love learning. I have a certain intellectual curiosity that delights on opening new worlds. How long that delight lasts depends on the subject, as evidenced by the four majors I went through during my first university career. But for the most part I find the world, its inhabitants, its galactic neighbors, and its inner workings fascinating. Who is to say I wouldn’t find teaching history and civics to groups of apathetic adolescents trying after a year or two? Maybe I should focus on library sciences, as my idea of Heaven involves an infinite, well-appointed library and eternity? Or maybe I should embark on an even more daunting endeavor and write a novel?

The problem I have found is that there are too many possibilities and no dream. The possibilities are good, productive, and satisfying to at least some part of my psyche, but I haven’t found a passion. Perhaps that was the problem during my previous experience with higher education. I found lots of interests, but few with real sticking power. So now I’m floating, finding comfort in the distracting world of sleeping dreams, and seeking a dream to follow in the waking world.

13 comments:

Esperanza said...

I didn't know the extent of my passion until I tried it out. Scary part is taking all the steps twoards trying it out, at least for me.

Scully said...

Fear is a great inhibitor. And I'm a great 'worst-case' scenariast. So great, in fact, that it keeps me up at night. Good times.

aquamarine said...

I am always in awe of the things you know Scully! What an amazing quote. The only way I find answers to questions is through lots of fasting and prayer. I think it takes longer for inspiration to get through my thick scull. :) The only way past fear is through this, being a 'worst-case' scenariast myself.

Scully said...

To be honest, Walking, I typed the words 'dreams' and 'quotes' into Google and found that. But I really liked it, so it is going into my small notebook of quotes.

aquamarine said...

A quote book, think I will start one too. Good idea.

Panini said...

well, as I'm leaving the teaching profession I think it's so interesting you and Esperanza are thinking of entering it!! Who ever thought we could all end up as HS teachers?
Could that satisfy your desire to achieve or would you feel a little "less than?"
I know what you mean about needing a passion or direction in it...that's why I stayed in a job I hated for 2 1/2 years.
Saying that, I think it would be really easy to get passionate about going back to school to be a librarian...and in the process, write a novel.
What kind of novel ideas are floating around in your head?
I think you could be really successful at that. In fact, it just fits when I think about you.
Are we all friends because we're obsessed with books? Or did the obsession develop in part through the friendship...I just find that strange.

Esperanza said...

I think we should start a blog and anyone who wants to be a writer should submit like a chpt. a month or something, just to get us in the habit of writing.

Miss Parker said...

Esperanza, ditto on that writer's blog idea. It seems to be so much easier to share one's writing with friends in a blog in semi-anonymity than to go to some writing class with total strangers and be expected to spill it right then and there. Can I get an amen? Yeah.

aquamarine said...

Excellent idea Esperanza. Where do I sign? j/k

Scully said...

Me three on the writers blog idea. I think if we started a new blog in this system and just added all of those who wanted to as contributors we could do it. Anyone else have a better idea? I'm not that tech savvy.

cherbear said...

That is a great idea. Maybe we could put together a collection of short stories or collaborate on a book.

Esperanza said...

Yeah! Glad everyone likes my idea, I'll find a way to set up a new blog and keep you all posted on it. Ideas on how we should run it? Free for all or weekly topic ideas for people to try their hand at?

Scully said...

I think maybe a free-for-all, but limited to maybe one submission a week per person? Or maybe one or two individuals could choose/be assigned a day a week when they can post their writings. That way there shouldn't be an overload. How many would this involve? The informal list in my head reads: Esperanza, Panini, Walking, Parker, CherBear, and me. E or P, do you think SJ would like to join? I think I could interest my mom. Anyway, let me know how it goes and what you think.