Profanity-Laced Day

I know it is going to be a bad day when the first coherent thought that passes through my head contains an expletive; as in, "How do people wake up every morning to do the same damn thing everyday?" When I arrived at work the receptionist called in sick and I was asked to man the phones and deal with requests I don't understand, my favorite profanity-laced phrase ("Bloody HELL!"[Yes, I am even an anglopiliac in my profaning, and yes, I know it is bad but it is my brain's go-to expression.]) mentally accompanied every ring. It was a long day of clock watching, even though I had a lot of crap to do.

In an effort to do something proactive, rather than mope about how I will probably die alone after 50 years bouncing from entry-level job to entry-level job, having been condemned to a life of mediocrity by some karmic sin I don't realize, and found weeks later after neighbours notice a gross smell, unable even to be eaten by Alsatians because my crap career hasn't even allowed me to afford to own a damn dog, I spent my lunch hour enquiring after that museum/art center position. Only I had to enquire at the local government-affiliated employment agency where I was the only person (employees included) whose first language was English and with whom I had to register before they would give me an application. An application that has to be freaking NOTARIZED before I can turn it in. Which means the kick-ass resume I spent two hours on yesterday counts for absolutely nothing. Also, I spent most of my lunch hour at the stupid agency and only had time to wolf down a PB&honey before rushing back to work. It gets even better.

After returning to work I was privy to a conversation between co-workers in which it came up that a previous employee was fired when the owners found out she was looking for a new job. Great. But it gets even better. I know, the mind reels!

I decided to get to work on the application while watching Jeopardy! (yes, I am a gigantic dork) and Scrubsreruns. It was going fine, although I will have to find another person to ask to be a reference because they ask for three non-relative, non-former employer references and I only have two (they don't ask for any other references, weird, no?). They also wanted to know where I went to junior high and if I graduated. Because graduating from high school and a well-respected university just isn't enough. Finally I got to the part where I was to list my employment record. First they ask if I'm currently employed, to which I am really tempted to answer 'No' even though it is a big fat lie and I shouldn't lie on a document that needs to be notarized. Then it asks form my most recent/current employer. Again, tempted to just start with my previous employer, since my 6.5 days at the current job can't possibly be anything but detrimental to my chances. Then, it asks if they can contact my current employer and gives a space for explaining why if I respond negatively. Then, under that, in bold letters followed by an exclamation are the words "If you are a strong finalist, we will contact your current employer!" Which means I have three options. I can choose to sign my name AND a notary's name to a lie; I can risk getting fired, not get the job and end up unemployed AGAIN; or I can just forget the whole enterprise and resign myself to the seventh circle of career hell (door prize: carpel tunnel syndrome). Which led to my last profanity-filled rant of the day while I dried my hair. Then I burst into tears.