30 April 2007

Profanity-Laced Day

I know it is going to be a bad day when the first coherent thought that passes through my head contains an expletive; as in, "How do people wake up every morning to do the same damn thing everyday?" When I arrived at work the receptionist called in sick and I was asked to man the phones and deal with requests I don't understand, my favorite profanity-laced phrase ("Bloody HELL!"[Yes, I am even an anglopiliac in my profaning, and yes, I know it is bad but it is my brain's go-to expression.]) mentally accompanied every ring. It was a long day of clock watching, even though I had a lot of crap to do.

In an effort to do something proactive, rather than mope about how I will probably die alone after 50 years bouncing from entry-level job to entry-level job, having been condemned to a life of mediocrity by some karmic sin I don't realize, and found weeks later after neighbours notice a gross smell, unable even to be eaten by Alsatians because my crap career hasn't even allowed me to afford to own a damn dog, I spent my lunch hour enquiring after that museum/art center position. Only I had to enquire at the local government-affiliated employment agency where I was the only person (employees included) whose first language was English and with whom I had to register before they would give me an application. An application that has to be freaking NOTARIZED before I can turn it in. Which means the kick-ass resume I spent two hours on yesterday counts for absolutely nothing. Also, I spent most of my lunch hour at the stupid agency and only had time to wolf down a PB&honey before rushing back to work. It gets even better.

After returning to work I was privy to a conversation between co-workers in which it came up that a previous employee was fired when the owners found out she was looking for a new job. Great. But it gets even better. I know, the mind reels!

I decided to get to work on the application while watching Jeopardy! (yes, I am a gigantic dork) and Scrubsreruns. It was going fine, although I will have to find another person to ask to be a reference because they ask for three non-relative, non-former employer references and I only have two (they don't ask for any other references, weird, no?). They also wanted to know where I went to junior high and if I graduated. Because graduating from high school and a well-respected university just isn't enough. Finally I got to the part where I was to list my employment record. First they ask if I'm currently employed, to which I am really tempted to answer 'No' even though it is a big fat lie and I shouldn't lie on a document that needs to be notarized. Then it asks form my most recent/current employer. Again, tempted to just start with my previous employer, since my 6.5 days at the current job can't possibly be anything but detrimental to my chances. Then, it asks if they can contact my current employer and gives a space for explaining why if I respond negatively. Then, under that, in bold letters followed by an exclamation are the words "If you are a strong finalist, we will contact your current employer!" Which means I have three options. I can choose to sign my name AND a notary's name to a lie; I can risk getting fired, not get the job and end up unemployed AGAIN; or I can just forget the whole enterprise and resign myself to the seventh circle of career hell (door prize: carpel tunnel syndrome). Which led to my last profanity-filled rant of the day while I dried my hair. Then I burst into tears.


blackjazz said...

Thanks for making my life seem so simple :-)

Since you seem to asking for advice again, here some:
1. Don't lie. It's wrong and bad and is likely to end in tears.
2. Don't use bad language - even if it is Anglophile bad language. You can do it!

If only you were in the UK, I think things would be a lot easier. For a start, you can't be "fired" just because your boss is having a bad day and doesn't like your face. If you are, you can sue for "unfair dismissal". There are procedures to follow before anybody loses their job.

So, bearing in mind that I don't know what I'm talking about when it comes to the US... I would find a way to write on the form the truth, which is that you've started a job but you're not happy in it. It's completely different from what you've done before and you wanted to give it a go, but it's not stretching you. Also, explain that you believe there's a reasonable chance of losing your job if they make contact with your current employer, so you don't want them to do that unless they're going make you an offer. Maybe there's somebody with whom you can talk to explain the situation.

Katie said...

I agree with blackjazz. Honestly, I think these people would be idiots not to hire you! You would be so perfect for the job =-) Don't worry, it will all work out! If it makes you feel any better, bloody hell became one of my favorite phrases while living in the UK as well...I have now gotten to the point that I only say it in my head...but I'm not sure how to completely cut it out of my vocabulary.

ZB said...

Um, wow! That's about all I can say. No, I can say more.

I agree with Blackjazz---don't lie. What do you care if your boss fires you...you hate the job. This is great way out. In fact, I bet you can have him "notarize" the document for you! heheehe.

Seriously, that's a crappy position to be in. But, you are still young and beautiful and there's no reason not to just go for it. Be happy NOW!

aquamarine said...

These are the days you wish you could crumple up and put in the trash! I am sorry things are getting so complicated. But I think if it is something that you really desire, with a little help from the Big Guy, you should follow your heart on this one. I personally think there isn't a more tailored job out there for you then the art/museum one! How awesome would that be?!?!

Scully said...

Thanks for all your advice and support! I really shouldn't shoot off blogs in the middle of an emotional crisis. I must add one caveat in my defense. I don't actually verbalize the profanity-laced sentences/rants that spring to life in my head. I at least keep that barrier in place. And I have decided that I would rather risk being fired than miss out on this possibility.

esperanza said...

I'm sorry life sucks! You can save all your money from that crapy job though and move somewhere fabulous and get your dream job?! Just think about how you are earning good capital right now?!? Okay, I know that doesn't help, but maybe it does.....You can always come back to Provo!

blackjazz said...

Good news about not verbalising :-)
And good news about deciding to go for the job. Good luck! Keep us posted how it's going.

Miss Parker said...

Scully. I know. But--you've been living rent-free while unemployed until just recently, and you can do it again. There are worse things, namely: being sucked into another crap job where they treat you as such. Don't lie on the app, who cares if they contact the jerks--you'l probably get it. And if they contact the current boss and you still don't get it, you can always quit. It's not worth the butt-numbing. Capicse?

Scully said...

Thanks, Parker. You give the best motivational speeches. I was just overly thrilled at having my first paycheck in seven months, so it was that balanced against uncertainty and you know how I feel about uncertainty.

Panini said...

Sorry things are crappy and stressful right now. I bet that art place will want you.