I was born in 1978 which means, for those of you non-math people, that I will be turning 30 this year. Luckily it isn't until the autumn, but it is still looming. I've decided I'm okay with turning 30, as there isn't much of an alternative. What I am not okay with is where I am at in my life. I am a glorified office slave at a job with very little upward potential. And even if there were, I'm quite sure I wouldn't want to stay. I live with my dad in the home I grew up in. It is pretty much the exact same place I was ten years ago. I do have a Bachelor's degree, which at this point is fairly useless. I do have plans, but starting school again doesn't seem very glamorous. Which is part of the reason I cooked up the England trip. All of this is redundant to my loyal readers. But it needed to be restated to emphasize the state of mind I ended up in after this weekend.
This weekend was our Stake Conference (for those not fluent in LDSpeak, a 'stake' is a regional grouping of multiple congregations. I believe it is similar to a diocese, but I'm not certain. Stake Conference is a meeting or meetings of this regional unit and happens twice a year.) and a fairly exciting one, as the current Stake Presidency was being released and a new one called. The Saturday night session had six speakers, three of which spoke on strengthening marriage and family, one in particular on how the Book of Mormon could improve a couple's relationship. Which is great for the 98% of the congregation that are married couples. But for me the 45 minute block filled by these speakers was long. I tried not to be annoyed, as I was the minority and the minority shouldn't dictate events. But by the third speaker I was so ready to be done.
Part of my impatience had to do with a conversation I had previously. I ran into an old friend who I hadn't seen in some time and we took a few minutes to catch-up. The following is an inexact transcript of part of our conversation:
Friend: So, how is your dad doing?
Scully: Okay. Next month is my mom's birthday, but he is planning on going to the temple that day, which is good.
Friend: Yeah, that is always good. How long has it been?
Scully: Since the beginning of June.
Friend: Oh, so not even a year yet.
Scully: No.
Friend: Because my sister has a friend who is going through a divorce. Her ex was abusive every way but physically. She needs a good man in her life.
Scully: . . .
Friend: I just thought, you know. . . . She has red hair. She has seven kids, but only one at home. She just really deserves a good man, you know.
Scully: I don't think my dad is quite at that point yet. Um, I should get going. We should get together sometime.
Now, I'm a worst-case scenario person and I have thought about my dad remarrying. Not right away mind, but at some point. And I can honestly say I'm okay with the idea. I might be less sanguine about it if it becomes more than an hypothetical, but it isn't something I have Catherine Earnshaw Linton level hysterics about. The thought that did stop me in my tracks was the thought that my father could get re-married before I even get a date. Here was a well-meaning woman I respect all ready to line my father up and my last date was almost a year ago. Yikes. I don't think I'm the bitter type. I managed fairly well when my younger brother, Mime, got married and I like to think I'm nothing but supportive with my friends. But the idea that my recently-widowed father could find love and marriage a second time before I find it for the first time (stalking FBLers doesn't count) was more than I could handle.
This weekend was our Stake Conference (for those not fluent in LDSpeak, a 'stake' is a regional grouping of multiple congregations. I believe it is similar to a diocese, but I'm not certain. Stake Conference is a meeting or meetings of this regional unit and happens twice a year.) and a fairly exciting one, as the current Stake Presidency was being released and a new one called. The Saturday night session had six speakers, three of which spoke on strengthening marriage and family, one in particular on how the Book of Mormon could improve a couple's relationship. Which is great for the 98% of the congregation that are married couples. But for me the 45 minute block filled by these speakers was long. I tried not to be annoyed, as I was the minority and the minority shouldn't dictate events. But by the third speaker I was so ready to be done.
Part of my impatience had to do with a conversation I had previously. I ran into an old friend who I hadn't seen in some time and we took a few minutes to catch-up. The following is an inexact transcript of part of our conversation:
Friend: So, how is your dad doing?
Scully: Okay. Next month is my mom's birthday, but he is planning on going to the temple that day, which is good.
Friend: Yeah, that is always good. How long has it been?
Scully: Since the beginning of June.
Friend: Oh, so not even a year yet.
Scully: No.
Friend: Because my sister has a friend who is going through a divorce. Her ex was abusive every way but physically. She needs a good man in her life.
Scully: . . .
Friend: I just thought, you know. . . . She has red hair. She has seven kids, but only one at home. She just really deserves a good man, you know.
Scully: I don't think my dad is quite at that point yet. Um, I should get going. We should get together sometime.
Now, I'm a worst-case scenario person and I have thought about my dad remarrying. Not right away mind, but at some point. And I can honestly say I'm okay with the idea. I might be less sanguine about it if it becomes more than an hypothetical, but it isn't something I have Catherine Earnshaw Linton level hysterics about. The thought that did stop me in my tracks was the thought that my father could get re-married before I even get a date. Here was a well-meaning woman I respect all ready to line my father up and my last date was almost a year ago. Yikes. I don't think I'm the bitter type. I managed fairly well when my younger brother, Mime, got married and I like to think I'm nothing but supportive with my friends. But the idea that my recently-widowed father could find love and marriage a second time before I find it for the first time (stalking FBLers doesn't count) was more than I could handle.
14 comments:
Im sorry that some people just have no clue. I can't really help to find you anyone to date as Yakima dose not have any prospects. So who is the New Stake President and counselors?
I want to know who that friend is. What makes people think that being single is a bad thing? Just because someone is alone doesn't mean that they mind being that way. The idea that a single person is in any way less than a married person ticks me off. I don't understand that as well. Although I could be okay with Dad remarrying if he married some rich star that is willing to give us, us being Scully, Mime and Mrs.Mime, any thing and everything we wanted. Just joking. But the moral of this whole thing. I want that persons name so I can give them a piece of my mind.
Sorry, Mime, no dice. Like I said, they are nice and I respect and admire them.
wow... that is rough! i'm so sorry for your encounters with tactless people. and as my 30th looms in 8 days... i'm have mixed feelings as well!
Just remember, Scully: Thirty, Flirty and Thriving. And ok, barf to that whole convo. Ugh.
Parker
Ugh. That's the only word for it in my vocabulary!
I have no good advice. School, though not a exciting prospect, at least changes the guys you are around. I think that's one reason I will probably go back. Good luck with all that.
This just reminds me of how much dating in the LDS singles world sucks. I hated it. I was a perfectly good person, RM, not psycho and not ugly, yet NO ONE wanted to date me. Well, there was one person who wanted to date me, but I didn't want to date him. He's a cool guy but I didn't want to date him just because he was one of the only LDS guys in my home ward who was my age. I'd rather stay single than marry someone I don't like just because they are LDS. So I married someone who wasn't LDS because he was the person who understood me best. He is the only one I can really trust and rely on. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with being single. If there is no one to date right now, so what. Don't let anyone get you down. Turning 30, no big whoop! It's kinda fun actually!
Okay, see, my eyes got REAL big when I saw where your friend was going with that. Because yikes.
EWWWW. I know you respect that person, but EWWWWW.
if you had felt less respect for said individual, you could have easily gotten your point across by saying..."Oh this lady sounds nice...does she have a brother." heheh I know I am horrible.
I would say that at any point that would be hard to handle...in my opinion, way too early to set anybody up.
Sorry scully.. that does sound like a very unpleasant experience. I don't even really know what to say.
You are VERY supportive of your friends and family and I hope everything you want comes together VERY soon.. Like.. come on already! (not you.. but everything you want)
chalk it up to Austen...
"it is a truth universally acknowledged that a single LDS man must be in want of a wife."
and it is hard to look beyond the words when they hurt, but at least you know that wasn't the intent. i am always getting hurt by strangers rude comments. they probably don't mean to hurt me either (right?)
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