Singletons Unite!

Or at least don't abandon one another to the land of Smug Marrieds. Saturday I attended a birthday party thrown by a friend for her husband. As everyone arrived, I came to the startling conclusion that I was the only single person there. Let me repeat, the only single person at the party. Combine that with the fact we were bowling (not a favorite activity of mine because it involves wearing someone else's shoes) with the fact that in addition to being the only single person, I knew only four people there (2 couples, naturally) including the hosts. Throw in several children, all under the age of 5, greasy pizza, and Hawaiian Punch and you pretty much have the longest 2 hours of my life. All the while being reminded that I somehow don't fit. At least not with some of my oldest friends.

FantasyLand Illustrated

Due to popular demand and my new-found posting skills, I'm giving you the illustrated version of Scully's February 2006 Fantasy Boyfriend line-up.










Gregory House, MD (Actor: Hugh Laurie)


Michael Rosenbaum
















Sayid Jarrah (Actor: Naveen Andrews)









John Krasinski as Jim Halpert on The Office








Dean Winchester (Actor: Jensen Ackles)

FantasyLand

Some months ago, over Christmas, my family and I went to see a movie. I was sitting next to my brother Mime and on his other side was his fiancé, FutureMrs. Mime and my mother. The previews started and the second or third preview was for the X-Men III movie. In unison my mother, FutureMrs. Mime, and I, with voices full of the reverent awe usually reserved for religious observances, exclaimed “Its Hugh Jackman.” I believe a few other ladies, not in our party, might have done the same thing. More recently, I’ve been party to a lot of chatter, both in conversation and on the Internet, about Fantasy Boyfriends. While I’m sure this phenomena isn’t restricted to the female sex, it isn’t the sort of conversation I have with males. So, at the risk of sounding like Sex and the City, what makes having a Fantasy Boyfriend (or five) so great?

Obviously fantasy is part of the draw. Fantasy is perfect. In FantasyLand you can be the perfect version of you, complete with the perfect wardrobe and perfect hair and the Boyfriend is perfect as well. There are no flaws, just the virtues and vices (what, I like the bad boys) that attracted us to them in the first place. It also helps that Fantasy Boyfriends are usually found on movie or TV screens and represent what society deems to be perfection already. They are attractive in a way very few people are in real life. I’ve really only seen one exception to that rule, and that is Miss Parker’s friend thePretty who could be Tom Welling’s (Smallville, Cheaper by the Dozen) twin. But even perfection gets tiresome after a while.

Perhaps another draw is the escape. Life is, for the most part, long stretches of the mundane punctuated by insanity. Who doesn’t need to escape from this world into another once in a while? And how often does one get to use their imaginations once they are adults? Especially when one is stuck in a cubicle 8 hours a day with only the radio to keep them company.

Finally, fantasy is fun. So, in honor of that fun, Ladies and Gentlemen, feel free to share your Fantasy Boyfriends and Girlfriends. I’ll start. Here are Scully’s top five (what, I have commitment issues) Fantasy Boyfriends of February 2006:

5. Gregory House, MD – Yeah, I know he is rude, anti-social, and addicted to Vicodin, but there is just something about the way that actor portrays him that makes me love him. I’m drawn to the Slightly Unhinged.

4. Michael Rosenbaum -- He is known for playing Lex Luthor on Smallville and manages to make the anti-hero a sympathetic character. Also, he makes me laugh. He told one overly bronzed (Read: Orange) television host that she “had a fascinating tan” and displayed his Napoleon Dynamite action figures, his white conversion van he drives around LA, and his karaoke skills on MTV's Cribs. What’s not to love?

3. Sayid Jarrah – So he used to be employed by the Iraqi Republican Guard as an ‘interrogator’ and he has used those skills on the island several times. Sure he seems to be starting a Bad Boys Club with Sawyer and Charlie, but I would feel safe if I were stuck on a Lost island with him. Plus, his accent is fabulous.

2. Jim Halpert/John Krasinski – Lest you think I’m including more than five, this entry is for a character from The Office (US) and the actor who plays him. The character Jim Halpert is a nice guy with a great sense of humor, pining for the engaged receptionist. John Krasinski is an up-and-coming actor who seems, from a recent appearance on Leno, just as nice with just as good a sense of humor as his onscreen alter ego.

1. Dean Winchester – One of the lead characters on my favorite guilty pleasure Supernatural, this boy is like a M&M, all hard and brittle on the outside, soft and gooey on the inside. Also, he is extremely attractive.

So now that you have had a peek inside my head, let me peek into yours! Share your Fantasy Boyfriends/Girlfriends or at least tell me what you think about mine.

Rage Against, Well, Everything

This is my horoscope for the day. I think it is the most accurate of any horoscope I have read.

Libra
September 22 - October 22
You will notice that your emotions are coming to a monthly climax today, dear Libra. Don't be alarmed, but do be cautious about lashing out at people for no reason whatsoever. You may feel on edge, and unintended slights from others could push you over the top in a fury of emotion. Harsh words spoken today can damage other people's feelings for a long time. Remain silent if you feel triggered.

For the past few weeks, a deep and abiding rage has been building. Most of it revolving around my feeling that my life has stagnated. As any regular readers know, I hate my job. Now, many of you will think “Well, DO something about it Scully!” which I agree with, but it is really hard to walk away from a job that pays almost double what most Utahns make per hour, plus great benefits, and a great 401k matching plan. Especially when I contemplate my car payments, my recently increased rent, my recently doubled car insurance payments (yeah, don’t ask) and the $6 I have left in my bank account until Friday. All in all, not the best environment for turning in my two weeks’ notice.

This means that all that rage bubbles up when my co-workers page me for the fiftieth time that day to ask a question for which I don’t have the answer. Or when my boss arrives before me and neglects to do things like pick-up the morning paper he requested be delivered or switch the lock so that the door actually closes, or check the fax machine, or switch the phones over from our night-time answering service. Or coming up with increasingly difficult progressive billings for various clients that I’m in charge of keeping track of and submitting.

On top of all this, I’ve had to give up dairy. First it was just milk and yougurt that made me sick, but now every sort of dairy product, even the littlest bit of cheese, makes me ill. And sadly, the one and only thing I have ever liked about Valentine’s Day, frosted sugar cookies, have just enough dairy to make them verboten. I think Karma hates me.

Make 'Em Laugh

This week has been a long one. In fact, the last few weeks have been longs ones. Various issues at home and at work have made life overly serious and me overly critical. I’m at the apogee of my job-hate cycle and am completely unsatisfied and completely petulant and sulky. To the point that my co-workers seemed to have noticed. I can’t turn on the television without hearing about some government conspiracy or scandal and the weather is tormenting me by being on the cusp of spring, although I’m sure there will be at least one or two snowstorms between now and May. All in all, not the best of times. So when I got back from the gym last night, I was in a funk. The kind of funk that inspires me to eat seven chocolate covered cookies in a row. So I turned on the television in an attempt to turn off my mind.

Low and behold, I was only one short half hour away from The Office, my new television obsession. I liked the British version, but haven’t been able to religiously watch the American version due to changing time slots that are invariably up against some other obsession. But now it is on Thursdays. It was a Valentine’s Day episode and it was hilarious. My two favorite moments involved the temp tearing out his hair because he had inadvertantly 'hooked up' with a co-worker on February 13th and didn't know how to handle the V-Day situation and the ‘financial presentation’ given by the branch manager to the CFO at corporate that involved a montage of all the branch employees set in slow motion to U2’s With or Without You. I couldn’t stop giggling.

Then I found my way to Comedy Central, which isn’t a channel I usually frequent, except for The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. Where else can you find laughs in such things as the Cartoon Riots, the illegal wire-tap hearings, Bush’s budgetary machinations, and the war in Iraq? The most giggle-inducing moment came when The Colbert Report aired a clip of Attorney General Alberto Gonzales saying (and I paraphrase, of course): “Senator, I believe in my opening remarks I discussed President Washington, President Lincoln, President Wilson, and President Roosevelt’s electronic surveillance programs under their administrations.” I have never laughed so hard at the sheer inanity of our government.

So what was shaping up to be a night spent whining that it wasn’t Friday, turned out to be a night of hilarity. Perhaps I was primed, through sheer exhaustion, to find everything funny. But that hour and a half of television strangely made it all bearable.

This Week’s Reasons for Getting Out of Bed

The increasing number of pairs of pants in my closet I can pull on and off without undoing.

The sun is up and shining when I drive to and from work.

The fact that I can adjust my work hours and leave 20 minutes early so I can get home and on the gym treadmill before the other two girls in my complex who like to work out at 5 pm.

The Television Without Pity forum for The Office in which everyone posts quotes from the show that make me laugh so hard I have to do the barely convincing ‘cough’ to cover up the fact that I’m not doing actual work.

The McVitties Chocolate Caramel Digestives I bought at the London Market on Saturday. I got addicted to them when I lived in London six years ago and I’m ecstatic to have found a new supplier.

All the new jazz CDs I have had an excuse to buy since I told my brother I would do the music for his wedding reception and open house.

My CD-playing alarm clock, the CD-playing part having died some weeks ago, miraculously springing back to life so that I could wake up to Stacey Kent’s Let Yourself Go rather than obnoxiously chipper DJs.

I'm Too Old For This

Last night I had a breakthrough. I realized I’m too old, too mature, too tired, too something to be really embarrassed. It all began with an unreturned phone call. When I got home from work on Monday, there was a voicemail message from my previously unknown home teacher introducing himself, saying he lived a few floors above my roommate and I, and asking that we call him back to schedule a visit, preferably before Tuesday night. Well, Monday and Tuesday were filled with things to do and crises to deal with and the call never got returned.

Last night I had an appointment to get my car serviced and I decided I should keep my momentum going and headed to the gym. I got back just in time to shower before my favorite guilty pleasure, Supernatural, came on. I attempted to watch the State of the Union address, but the President’s overly-smug attempts at humor and his shifty little eyes made me realize I was making a face similar to Senator Clinton’s and that really isn’t a good thing. So I watched Supernatural with a towel wrapped around my head like a turban, wearing my flannel pajama pants and an old t-shirt. Halfway through the show, there was a knock on the door.

Not thinking, I went, in all my post-shower glory, to answer the door. Well, it was my new home teacher who seemed very uncomfortable for reasons I didn’t grasp at that moment. He stuttered something about catching me at a bad time and made his escape after I told him Sunday afternoons were really the best times to catch my roommate and I. After I shut the door and went back to the television, I realized why he was uncomfortable. I had a good laugh at the vision I must have been with the towel-turban headdress, the cumulus cloud pajama pants and bare feet. I do wonder if he will ever have the courage to approach me again. Which is sad, because he seemed like a nice guy.