Introducing Version 2.0

My brother and sister-in-law recently had a baby boy who, for the purposes of this blog, I have christened Mime 2.0 because a) my brother Mime is a computer guru and 2) this little boy looks very much like Mime did when he was a baby. Long and thin, but with an extra couple of pounds to keep people from referring to him as E.T. I was able to spend yesterday with the family and while I generally prefer children once they are about 6 months old and out of the 'lump' phase, I think Mime 2.0 is quite adorable. And I always love having another child to spoil whilst campaigning for the 'Favorite Aunt' title.

What you can't see is that his mother put on a onesie I bought him
that says "My Auntie Rocks." I start my campaigning early!

Baby Bee is 2!

Hopefully, it doesn't age me to say things like "it seems just like yesterday that. . ." because I've been saying plenty of stuff like that lately. Case in point, Baby Bee is 2 as of today. Which is crazy. I have no idea where the last two years of my life have gone. Other than student teaching and a soul-sucking property management job. So maybe I'd just rather pretend I have no idea where the years have gone, rather than feel that, as far as the property management job is concerned, I have been squandering my time.

Anyway, Saturday was the family celebration since today I am again squandering my time at a soul-sucking job. My dad and stepmom came over and we had a lovely time with Baby Bee (who I really can't call 'Baby' anymore, as she is officially a toddler AND will be moved to being the middle child in July when a little boy arrives). We went to Build-A-Bear in the mall and I had to buy she and Bug's bears shoes, because no one should be shoeless, even teddy bears. Also, while the store itself was very organized and flowed well, it was still way overstimulating for me. Baby Bee and Bug kind of got glassy eyed when trying to pick out clothes. Thank heavens for Disney Princess dresses or we would have been there for hours.

After a quick trip to the candy store and a stop for throwing pennies in the mall fountain, it was nap time. Which did not happen, so we had lunch and birthday cake instead. And then Baby Bee, Mrs. Mime, my stepmom, and I all took naps while my dad entertained Bug with a play dough kit he and my stepmom had brought her.

Evidence that I don't always forget my camera for big events:

Baby Bee looking at her burning candles with delight - could we have another pyro in the family?

Blowing out the candles. 

Bug laughing at Grandpa being silly.

Playing with play dough, shortly before both Baby Bee and I crashed for a quick nap.

Uggos, Crazies, and Bailers

I was watching the season finale of 30 Rock recently and Liz Lemon's boyfriend of the season, Criss (James Marsden, in the one role in which I don't find him completely annoying), said something that made me laugh and then made me think. He was explaining to Liz why he was stressed about their relationship, saying: 

“You know what kind of women in their 40s have never been married, Liz? Uggos, crazies, and bailers. You’re not an uggo. And you’re haha crazy, not oh boy crazy, which means you bail!”

While I'm not in my 40s (although you could argue that the pressure on an LDS woman who is single and in her 30s is roughly equivalent to an non-LDS woman in her 40s), the comment stuck with me. I'm aware enough to know I'm not a complete uggo, middle school pictures to the contrary, and I like to flatter myself that I am endearingly and amusingly crazy, not scary crazy. That leaves one choice: bailer. Once I started to think about it, it didn't see so far off the mark.

A brief and non-scientific analysis of my behavior would show that I am the first to leave any situation. If I'm in a conversation, 99% of the time, I'm the one to end it. In an sort of communication situation, I'm so worried about making a fool of myself, I get out early before I can embarrass myself. You can imagine how the stakes rise if I'm actually in a situation involving a guy in whom I might be interested. A ticking timer starts in my head the minute one of those conversations start. I can only imagine what kind of signal it sends to the guy I'm talking with (gentleman readers, if you exist, please chime in).

Additionally, if several of these conversations, with their abrupt endings, occur and nothing comes of it, I assume there is no interest. I bail on the possibility of something, which inevitably becomes self-fulfilling prophecy. And since I assume they are not interested, you can imagine how much shorter the conversations become and how much sooner I'm ready to pull the plug. Which does nothing to change the situation.

So, how do I change my behavior? That internal timer is so habitual I don't realize what is happening until the situation is over, til I sit back and realize I've done it again. Suggestions?

Five Years

I didn't want to get out of bed today. There are multiple reasons for this; I'm still not feeling 100% after having a death flu that turned into an ear infection. It is rainy and gray. I didn't want to go to work. Underlying all of this, however, is that it is the fifth anniversary of pretty much the worst day of my life.

Five years is a long time. The world has changed, there are lots of things that have no reference to my mother. I've cycled through a whole new wardrobe. I had to give away the suit I wore at her funeral because it was too big. She would be thrilled at how little of my wardrobe is still black. There's a whole crop of television addictions and fantasy boyfriends I never had a chance to tell her about. My life plans are radically altered. But there are some things that don't change. Hearing a James Taylor, Carole King, or Billy Joel song still makes me melancholy. I feel homesick when I see rose bushes. While it happens far less frequently now, I still reflexively think of calling her whenever really good or really bad things happen.

And that is the rub. All the things she hasn't been and won't be a part of is the hardest bit. The good things in life, the happy moments or great opportunities are always a little bittersweet because she isn't here to share them. The bad things, the sad moments, the unfortunate blind sides in life are all a little worse because she is no longer just a phone call away.

I remember shortly after my mother died, my aunt telling me "Welcome to the Dead Mom's Club. It sucks." And it does. That is really all there is to say about it when you lose your best friend and confidant. You make do, and you move forward. You try to refrain from wallowing, because she would be irate if she thought you missing life because of her. But it's never the same.

Things I Am Currently Obsessed With

I've been Debbie Downer on this blog a lot lately. Possibly because I'm one lost hour of sleep away from a nervous breakdown on most days. BUT I do have things (besides sleep) that keep me from that nervous breakdown which I thought I would tell everyone about. Because I can. And because it is abnormally slow at work today (knock on wood) and there isn't much I have to be doing right now. So, here are my random, yet happy-making, current obsessions.

• Ray LaMontagne - I love this man's voice. If you haven't heard him (which, hello, I'm always late to the music party, so you probably know him) I suggest you leave this page now and go listen to him on your choice of music providers. I find his voice extremely soothing; his is the go-to albums after a long day at work. Which means I listen to him pretty much every day. Songs I recommend: "Trouble," "Shelter," "Hold You in My Arms," "Hannah," "All the Wild Horses," "Let it Be Me," "You Are the Best Thing," and "Achin' All the Time." Just to start off with.

• Essie nail polish - I love the range of colors Essie has, specifically in the blue-green and red-orange spectrums. Also, the names are fun and the bottles are compact and aesthetically pleasing. The best part, however, is that the polish is thin and spreads really easily. It is not gloopy at all. Sure, it means an extra coat, but because it is thin and non-gloopy, it dries quickly. With a base coat and a top coat, my home-done pedicures last at least a week without touch-ups. A few touch-ups stretches that to two or three weeks. Which is fantastic, since I don't have time these days for doing weekly pedicures.

• Old Navy's plaid or gingham camp shirts - I apologize for sounding like a massive advertisement, however, I tried one of these on last week, loved it but put it back because I couldn't justify buying a shirt. Then I obsessed about it for a day or two and went back and bought one (the white with small red/blue/purple plaid). I received many compliments on it, plus it was just so comfortable. It was cut perfectly, with just a little nip at the waist to provide shape, but not too much so I felt like I should be wearing a corset with it. The bonus was I thought it was only a 3/4 length sleeve that had been rolled up, but it is long sleeve, which means it will be perfect for layering in the winter. So I went back and bought three more in different colors.

• Mystery novels set in Britain in the past - These are my brain-break books. When I need to check out, I will happily escape to the rarified (yet oddly dangerous) estates, manor houses, and small villages of England of the 1920s, 1930s, 1940s, and 1950s. Agatha Christie is obviously a fave, however, I also recommend the Lord Peter Whimsey series by Dorothy L. Sayers and the Flavia De Luce series by Alan Bradley. I recently found a new series, the Honourable Daisy Dalrymple series by Carola Dunn. I read the first book Thursday night and enjoyed it. Imagine Agatha Christie's Miss Marple as a young 25 year-old impoverished aristocrat (complete with tragic tale of a brother AND a true love killed in WWI) working as a society writer traveling amongst characters culled from P.G. Wodehouse and Dorothy L. Sayers novels. It makes me wish I were British and could say things like "topping," "spiffing," "old thing," and "cheerio."

• Beets, edamame, and chickpeas in salads - I'm semi-successfully trying to improve my eating habits, specifically eating more vegetables and less non-vegetables, especially meat. If I had the means I would spend every lunch hour eating from the salad bar at a local grocery, because they offer fantastic things like beets, edamame, and chickpeas that make a salad tasty make dressings unnecessary. I've had to use frozen and/or canned versions of them to make my own, as it is far, far cheaper. Plus, it adds some heft to the salad. Add some crushed walnuts or sunflower seeds and you have got yourself a delicious and filling salad.

• Costume jewelry, specifically huge cocktail rings - For some reason I enjoy wearing a massive ring. It gives me a sense of power for some reason. Try it - they are just fun, plus they are a trend right now so you can find them for under $10 in most clothing stores.

• Doctor Who t-shirts from teefury.com - Teefury offers t-shirts loaded with pop culture-y goodness with a large helping of geek. The catch of the website is you only have 24 hours to order, then they print and ship. I've missed some fun ones, which are saved as bittersweet reminders in the gallery, but I also have a growing collection that I rarely have the opportunity to wear. But who can turn down a $10 t-shirt?

• Finding surprises for my nieces and soon-to-be-born nephew - I love being able to spoil them and since their birthdays (and births) are all happening in the next few months, I get to spoil them rotten! Also, how can I resist buying superhero onesies when I find them at Old Navy? Start the geekifying young!

• Adding the color orange to my wardrobe - After years (possibly decades? Am I really that old?) of dying my hair a dark auburn, I let it go back to something resembling my natural color. I think. It has been a while. Anyway, now that my hair is not auburn, I have found I can actually wear colors in the red-orange/orange/coral family. Which is fabulous. I love the color, especially paired with turquoise or green-blue. I have been adding quite a bit of it to my wardrobe recently. Dresses, shirts, tanks, anything really. I'm now on the hunt for orange shoes because I want to recreate this look Obviously also in the hunt for a similar dress, but that really has nothing to do with anything.

• Tall, skinny, British men who act - This isn't necessarily a new obsession (see: Tenant, David and  Grant, Cary) but I've found some new ones to obsess over. Also, it isn't necessarily the fact they are actors that is part of the obsession, but they are the only tall, skinny British men to whom I am exposed, seeing as how I still haven't found a way to move to England. The latest additions to this sub-genre of the Fantasy Boyfriend League are Benedict Cumberbatch (who has, perhaps, the best English name ever!) and Tom Hiddleston. Benedict Cumberbatch is best known for being Sherlock Holmes in the BBC series. Also, he has a dreamy voice. IF you don't believe me, listen to this. Mr. Cumberbatch will next be heard as the voice of Smaug in The Hobbit in December and the villain in Star Trek next summer. Tom Hiddleston is best known for his role as Loki in last year's Thor and the record-breaking blockbuster that is The Avengers. He also played F. Scott Fitzgerald in Midnight in Paris (which you need to see if you haven't already - the movie is genius.) Mr. Hiddleston is currently working on adaptations of Henry IV (parts 1 and 2) and Henry V, which should be on British TV for the build up to 450th anniversary of Shakespeare's birth in 2014. Hopefully it will cross the pond shortly thereafter. He will also be part of Thor 2, which was announced recently. I can understand that if you are not attracted by men who are slightly (or more-than-slightly) unhinged and your only exposure to him is as Loki, you might not get my new obsession with Mr. Hiddleston. To which I say, do a Google image search of recent photo shoots and photo calls for The Avengers. You can thank me later.