The Top Ten Reasons I'm Single, According to the Hallmark Channel

10. I have not bonded with a traumatized, yet adorable, tot who happens to have a handsome & successful single father.

9. A series of childhood ankle injuries left me unable to stand up in ice skates, rendering it impossible for me to use it as a shortcut for building trust and/or delving into childhood memories.

8. Since I am not a Christmas-loving free spirit, I cannot help an attractive, workaholic single man find or rediscover the true meaning of Christmas.

7. I have not met a royal operating incognito, nor have I, through some mix-up or case of mistaken identity, become responsible for children who are secretly part of a royal family.

6. I have not suffered a series of career and/or personal reversals that lead me to return home after many years to reconnect with an old classmate I either never noticed before OR was the one that got away.

5. Not being a Christmas-dreading workaholic, I do not need to be reminded of the spirit of Christmas by a handsome, holiday-loving stranger.

4. My travel plans have never been upended by weather or mechanical failure, therefore, I have never been stranded with or rescued by a stranger who just happens to be my soul mate.

3. As of yet, my single status has not warranted the direct intervention of Santa Clause, one of his elves, or an angel trying to earn his or her wings.

2.  I lack an overbearing relative who constantly torments me about being single, thus I am not driven to entice a stranger to pretend to be my significant other through the holidays, during which we actually fall in love.

AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON I’M SINGLE, ACCORDING TO THE HALLMARK CHANNEL:

1.  I avoid any and all situations involving mistletoe.

MERRY CHRISTMAS & HAPPY NEW YEAR!