07 February 2011

It Hardly Seems Fair

I've been gone for a long time, which I assume means no one is reading this anymore. My absence has mostly been due to the insanity that is student teaching, as I was very, very busy. Also, I haven't figured out how to talk/write about my experiences in a way that I feel protects everyone involved. Although I will say that every single night (and sometimes during my naps) I have had a dream about the school and the students I worked with, which is completely annoying. It feels like I'm at work when I sleep and I wake up all fuzzy and uncertain about what I should be doing. Anyway, still processing the whole student teaching experience. Love teaching, not sure what to say about it. But that isn't what I really want to discuss.

What I really want to do is whine. Intellectually, I know that life is hard, the struggle is integral to our growth, yada. But that doesn't make it easy. And, frankly, I feel that what my family went through with my mom should preclude us from any more suffering. Again, intellectually I understand that isn't how the world works, but it doesn't stop me from throwing an internal temper tantrum when I find out my 2 and 1/2 year-old niece might have to have open-heart surgery. Because of who I am, I generally only imagine worst-case scenarios and nothing about the words 'open,' 'heart,' and 'surgery' inspire much confidence in best-case scenarios. So, yes, it hardly seems fair that my adorable little niece might have to have major surgery. We shouldn't have to go through this again.


Edited to Add: My niece has Atrial Septal Defect, which isn't uncommon and is fairly routine as pediatric heart conditions go. Her hole is pretty big, which means catheterization might be off the table, hence open-heart surgery.

11 comments:

Panini said...

I'm so sorry, Scully! Oh, that's so rotten and unfair.

WalkConkies said...

We'll keep her in our prayers. Life really isn't fair. Someday it will be. Love you.

Susan said...

Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry!! Sending thoughts and prayers to you and the whole family!

lathorpe62 said...

I spend many nights working in my sleep. I personally think we should get paid for that (ha ha). I just read about Emma and my thoughts and prayers are with all of you. I know this may not help but your mom would be so proud of you. I know her being a teacher was her passion (along with her precious family). The importance of education was drilled into all the "Spatig" kids heads. In fact I remember my mom, your grandma, threatening me and Uncle Jeff with a month of grounding if we got below a "C". ha ha. Made me want to study hard. Hugs and loves from all of us in the Thorpe house.

Missy said...

I wish I knew what to say to take this away! I am so sorry to hear about this Scully. My heart and prayers are with you.

Duludes said...

Welcome back. You should never apoligize for expressing your true feelings. So sorry for your niece. Are they in the Seattle area? I couldn't agree more with how life isn't fair. But I think that is what makes you and I such amazing and strong women and children of a loving Heavenly Father. Will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Scully said...

Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers. I still haven't grown up enough not to feel everything should be fixed right away and with minimal pain and suffering to all involved.

Katie said...

You're absolutely, 100% right. It isn't fair. I didn't know your niece was going to have to have surgery. I will be keeping you all in my prayers. Hang in there!

esperanza said...

Life. Sad to hear about your niece!

Amy Howton said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lynne said...

Yep!!! Hardly fair for one soooo young! But, I must try to add some words of encouragement (which I know are just so many words!), but along with the awesome power of Heavenly Father and His Priesthood on earth, I've seen incredibly great results! The trick is to get through it, and, believe me, we'll be here for you all the way!! xoxoxoxo