26 February 2009


I attended a wedding reception this evening for two lovely and wonderful people who really love each other and are adorable and I wish them all the best because of all of the above. They really have nothing to do with this post other than their wedding reception was the setting for the subsequent stuff that sucks massively. So, I sat at a table with several friends, most of whom are single. One poor gentleman happens to be over 25 so everyone is on RED ALERT to get him married ASAP because obviously his singleton status is untenable to people only tangentially involved in his life. Pretty much every single person who stopped at our table to chat brought up the fact that a) he wasn't married and b) he needed to get on that STAT. Because apparently he wasn't aware of that fact already. It drives me insane when people cannot mind their own business and let people live their own lives. It finally annoyed me so that I politely (and loudly) thanked him for taking all the crap I usually get at weddings. It didn't help with the annoying people passing our table, but it did shut a few of the people up who were sitting at our table. Which was something.

Besides the fact that it is just rude to be so intrusive into an individual's personal life, is there any other situation in which people say such obnoxious things? I know people ask recently and not-so-recently married folks when they are planning to have children or if they are trying to have children (which is awful in and of itself) but the behavior I witnessed tonight was akin to people accosting a couple who are unable to have children and telling them that they needed to get themselves a child right away and implying that they should just walk down the street and pick-up the first one they see. THIS IS NOT OKAY! It isn't appropriate to say to a childless couple and it isn't okay to say to a single person. How have we become a society or culture that allows such intrusive, rude, and hurtful behavior? Why are extremely personal aspects of individual lives the fodder of public speculation and even mockery. And why, oh why, is it considered rude for said individual to do anything but sit there and take it or joke about it themselves? HAVE WE NO DECENCY?


Nemesis said...


Ugh, UGH, UGGGGGHHH. Okay, seriously, I swear, crap like this . . . grrr.

I think it's the absolute OBTUSIVENESS (word?) of this behavior that is part of what makes it so horrible. Like, why is it okay to joke and pry and nag and call attention to singleness when it's so clearly not okay to do it about other things? I mean, no one with a quarter of a brain would walk up to a woman at a baby shower and be like, "Hey, heard about your miscarriage, do you think maybe it was because you didn't rest enough?"

And the poor Singleton isn't allowed to really defend himself or point out how rude his interrogator is being because that very act would be considered rude and anti-social and "not-joke-taking." Only I say forget that. Braying jackasses should get what's coming to them.

Heather said...

Amen sister. I learned a long time ago to just let things be. And then when I became one of those childless couples I was glad that I had made that decision a long time ago. People just don't get it do they. They say the stupidest things!!!

I think what you said was absolutely PERFECT! I want to know what he said in return :)

panini said...

And then there was my grandpa, who said (at my sisters wedding when I was 27 and teaching high school). "Well, it doesn't look like you're ever going to get married, so don't you think you should go on a mission? Because isn't it about time you did something with your life?"

katharine said...

sorry. and oh yes, people are definitely rude. i have had people tell me things like 'please don't tell me you have any other children at home.' and 'you're not having any more are you?' al they way to 'what were you thinking?' but i try to remember most people are well-intentioned, and i constantly tell myself I am a duck, waterproof.

esperanza said...

It's true. Been there had that done to me as well.

Kathy said...

Amen! People can be so rude! And what make them think they know it all! from my end, it is... why do you have so many children? didn't you know that if you got pregnant at your age, your baby would have Down Syndrome? I think what you said was briliant...as you are!

alwaysadorable said...

Yes, people end up with a lot of diarrhea mouth when comes to certain topics, particularly when it comes to being single and your lack or load of children.

I have had people ask me in front of my very well hearing children, "Are those ALL of your children?" frown, grimace..."So since you have four, you are obviously done now, right?" etc.

Ugh, seriously, if you don't have something nice to say, don't say it, no matter how well meaning!

Great job and thank you for standing up for decency!

Duludes said...

Oh Scully I'm sorry some people lack a little something. I run into these a lot with Joel and not having children yet. What seems to be the latest thing is they think we have so much time on our hands so they give us a billion callings. Maybe the reason we don't have children is we never see each other and if we do we are way to tired to do anything about it. Okay sorry I will get of my soap box now. How is your Calling going? I'm sure you are super busy hang in there.

chosha said...

I say to hell with them, be 'rude'. They deserve it, and it's not like his night could have gotten more sucky as a result. I once heard someone say, in reply to one of these stupid people, 'I'm so glad to hear you're so supportive of my goal to get married - so do you have any spare cash you'd like to donate? Because I only need 714 more dollars and then my mail order Russian bride will be on her way.' Brilliant.

Appropriately the word verification word was 'forking', as in, some people at weddings should mind their own forking business. :)

Science Teacher Mommy said...

I have three kids and my baby wasn't six months old before everyone wanted to know if we were having four. I think it is a Mormon thing? We are all ONE BIG HAPPY FLIPPIN FAMILY right? And for a male to be over 25, well, we better get HIM hitched--after all, he is the PROBLEM right?

I sure wish I was an Aussie blogger like Chosha, then no one would give a damn if a swore a little more often--or at least I'd be forgiven. Nem, I'm sure obtusiveness is a word. You're a librarian for crying out loud. Even if it isn't a real world you are entitled to make one up.

And speaking of "entitled," Scully, thanks heaps for your comments on my self-reliance post. Interesting perspective. Never been an RS president, never want to. I'm just not sure I can stand up and say, "I love you all!" and ever mean it. And murder is something the brethren frown on in an RS president. You must be a Saint. ;)

When I do comment on your blog, it is usually this one--is that right?