About Eve. And motherhood. It was an unexpected request. So I gave an unorthodox talk. I thought I would share.
I’m here to testify that
the Lord knows and loves us because I only get asked to speak in church on the
Sundays when I would be sitting on the back row feeling grumpy and grumbly and
instead of leaving me to my grumpy, grumbly, fallen, natural-man self, He
lovingly inspires others to ask me to research a doctrine and prepare a talk on
the subject. So here I am, speaking about Eve and motherhood on Mother’s Day.
Now,
for most of the women in my family and a lot more friends, Mother’s Day is a
difficult day, a day where we sit in the pews feeling grumpy and grumbly. For
those of you who have never felt that way, allow me to explain. Mother’s Day
was difficult for my mom because her relationship with her mother, who could be
a difficult and mercurial woman, didn’t always match the ideal that was
presented at church. Mother’s Day is difficult for my aunt and I who both lost
mothers by the time we were 30 and still generally resent that fact. Mother’s
Day is difficult for single women and women who struggle with infertility or
other circumstances that keep them from having children. Mother’s Day is
difficult for women who are conflicted or ambivalent about motherhood, their
role as mothers or their ability to be mothers. Mother’s Day is difficult for
mothers whose children, whether momentarily or over years, use their agency in
ways that hurt or cause pain. Mother’s Day is difficult for single moms who
feel that they can never do enough or be enough.
So,
why is this day, set aside to celebrate women and mothers, causing so much
angst? Well, for starters, in celebrating Mother’s Day, especially in our
Church, tend to talk about motherhood only in the ideal, the glorified, the perfect
form. And as we women listen to multiple talks on the ideal, glorified,
celestial calling of motherhood, we see fewer and fewer connections to the
realities of womanhood and motherhood that we experience. What is the
disconnect? I think the disconnect comes because we forget to talk about one
very crucial aspect of motherhood, of parenthood. That it only came about, only
could come about, through The Fall, the exit from the idyllic Eden to the
telestial and fallen world. Elder Oaks, in a talk given in 1993, spoke about
this in much more eloquent terms than I can, so I will quote him:
To the first man and woman on earth, the Lord said, “Be
fruitful, and multiply” (Moses
2:28; see also Gen.
1:28; Abr.
4:28). This commandment was first in sequence
and first in importance. It was essential that God’s spirit children have
mortal birth and an opportunity to progress toward eternal life. Consequently,
all things related to procreation are prime targets for the adversary’s efforts
to thwart the plan of God.
When
Adam and Eve received the first commandment, they were in a transitional state,
no longer in the spirit world but with physical bodies not yet subject to death
and not yet capable of procreation. They could not fulfill the Father’s first
commandment without transgressing the barrier between the bliss of the Garden
of Eden and the terrible trials and wonderful opportunities of mortal life.
For
reasons that have not been revealed, this transition, or “fall,” could not
happen without a transgression—an exercise of moral agency amounting to a
willful breaking of a law (see Moses
6:59). This would be a planned offense, a
formality to serve an eternal purpose. The Prophet Lehi explained that “if Adam
had not transgressed he would not have fallen” (2
Ne. 2:22), but would have remained in the same
state in which he was created.
“And
they would have had no children; wherefore they would have remained in a state
of innocence, having no joy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they
knew no sin” (2
Ne. 2:23). (Dallin H. Oaks, “The Great Plan of
Happiness”, October 1993)
The Fall, entering the world in which we
live, was a necessary step for parenthood, for motherhood.
Now,
before we continue discussing The Fall, Eve, and motherhood, let’s define some
terms. Elder Oaks goes on in his talk to discuss the difference between a sin
and a transgression.
“This suggested contrast between a sin
and a transgression reminds us of the careful wording in the second article of
faith: “We believe that men will be punished for their own sins, and not for
Adam’s transgression” (emphasis added). It also echoes a familiar distinction
in the law. Some acts, like murder, are crimes because they are inherently
wrong. Other acts, like operating without a license, are crimes only because
they are legally prohibited. Under these distinctions, the act that produced
the Fall was not a sin—inherently wrong—but a transgression—wrong because it
was formally prohibited. These words are not always used to denote something
different, but this distinction seems meaningful in the circumstances of the
Fall.” (Dallin H. Oaks, “The Great Plan of Happiness”, October 1993)
As I was reading this,
an example popped into my head that helped me understand this a bit better. A
few times a week, I leave work to go buy lunch. To do so, I generally drive on
Cornwall. Now, if I leave my office anytime between noon and 1, the speed limit
on a certain section of the road is 20 mph because it is a school zone. If I
leave after 1, the speed is 25 mph. Going 25mph on that stretch of road between
the hours of noon and 1 is NOT inherently wrong. It is, however, formally, legally
prohibited because of the circumstances. Partaking of the fruit of the Tree of
Knowledge of Good and Evil was not inherently wrong. It was formally prohibited
because of Adam and Eve’s circumstances. Just as driving 25mph instead of 20mph
on that stretch of Cornwall between noon and 1pm comes with considerable
consequences, partaking of the fruit had both immediate and eternal
consequences.
Adam
and Eve had been told what those consequences were. The consequence would be
the Fall; they would exit the transitional state of the Garden of Eden and
enter mortality. Only in mortality could they keep the first commandment of
parenthood. Motherhood, although a pre-Fall commandment, could only come about
through the Fall. So, ladies and gentlemen, thinking that parenthood or
motherhood exists in a glorified celestialized vacuum to which none of us are
measuring up is NOT doctrine. It is a tool of the Adversary. The same Adversary
that beguiled Eve by lying about some of the consequences of partaking of the fruit.
By partaking of the fruit, Adam and Eve were in fact subject to death, both
temporal and spiritual. It was not a fact or a consequence that could be
escaped. The Adversary knew this, but, being the Father of Lies, presented Eve
with an alternate story. How much that story influenced Eve, we do not know. We
know only that she stated she was beguiled. We do know, however, how she
responded to results of partaking of the fruit. In Moses 5:11-12 we read:
11 And Eve, his wife, heard all these things and was glad,
saying: Were it not for our transgression we never should have had seed, and
never should have known good and evil, and the joy of our redemption, and the
eternal life which God giveth unto all the obedient.
12 And Adam and Eve blessed the name of
God, and they made all things known unto their sons and their daughters.
What, in the face of the
Fall, of guaranteed hardship, temporal death, and possibly permanent spiritual
death, caused Eve so much joy?
Her
joy came from her recognition of the wonderful, miraculous, life-saving act of
the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Her joy was in her Savior and Redeemer.
President Eyring, in the General Women’s Meeting in March stated:
“By revelation, Eve recognized the way home to God. She knew
that the Atonement of Jesus
Christ made eternal life possible in families.
She was sure, as you can be, that as she kept her covenants with her Heavenly
Father, the Redeemer and the Holy Ghost would see her and her family through
whatever sorrows and disappointments would come. She knew she could trust in
Them.” (Henry B. Eyring, “Daughters in the Covenant” March 2014)
Eve knew whom she could trust and on whom
she could rely in times of difficulty. She knew her Heavenly Father and she
knew her Savior. She knew whom her children needed to be instructed to trust
and on whom they needed to learn to rely. She and Adam taught their children
about the Atonement and showed their children by example how to live as a
disciple. Even with that kind of teaching and example, a portion of their
children chose to follow The Adversary. Unable to eternally undo Adam and Eve,
the Father of Lies went after their children in his continuing and futile quest
to thwart our Heavenly Father’s plan.
So,
how do we as women and mothers in the 21st century follow Eve’s
example? First and foremost we need to recognize that motherhood will be hard.
It is not a series of beautiful Hallmark moments that end with a fully formed
perfect adult child or children. It is a very real and continued struggle with
the Adversary. We need to recognize that and talk about that. We all have
struggles relating to our roles as women and mothers and I personally believe
that one of Satan’s greatest tools is in telling us that those struggles are
failures and that we don’t measure up as sisters and as disciples of Christ. We
need to recognize the inherent necessity and importance of those struggles in
our progression as spiritual beings on a path to eternal life. We need not shy
away from sharing what we have learned and are learning because of those
struggles. We cannot sit in Relief Society meetings, with our visiting
teachers, with our friends, and continue to act as though struggles equal
inadequacy and unrighteousness. We need to, instead, share how those struggles
are bringing us to Jesus Christ, how we are seeing the Atonement active in our
lives daily. If our struggles are leading us in the opposite direction, we need
to ask for help. We need to listen to the testimonies of the women around us to
buoy us up, as examples of the daily battle and daily conquering of the
Adversary through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
In
keeping with that, I will share a struggle. As a single 35 year-old childless
woman whose own mother is on the other side of the veil, life can be difficult.
Being a member of church whose main doctrines are about family and parenthood
can easily lead to me sitting on the back pew feeling grumpy and grumbly. The
Adversary actively bombards me with ideas that lead to feelings of
invisibility, of abandonment, of inadequacy, and of doubt in myself and my
worthiness. I could choose to listen, to wallow, and to sit there feeling sorry
for myself and abandoned by my God. However, that choice would be in direct
opposition to the one Eve made when partaking of the fruit. She chose faith,
she chose determination, and she chose to face the Adversary head-on with the
enabling and sustaining power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I should do no
less.
In
a talk on motherhood, which must have been a tender and difficult subject,
Sister Sheri Dew said:
“Eve set the pattern. In addition to bearing children, she
mothered all of mankind when she made the most courageous decision any woman
has ever made and with Adam opened the way for us to progress. She set an
example of womanhood for men to respect and women to follow, modeling the
characteristics with which we as women have been endowed: heroic faith, a keen
sensitivity to the Spirit, an abhorrence of evil, and complete selflessness.
Like the Savior, “who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross,” 11 Eve, for the joy of helping initiate the human family, endured the Fall.
She loved us enough to help lead us.
As daughters of our Heavenly Father, and as daughters of Eve,
we are all mothers and we have always been mothers. And we each have the
responsibility to love and help lead the rising generation. How will our young
women learn to live as women of God unless they see what women of God look
like, meaning what we wear, watch, and read; how we fill our time and our
minds; how we face temptation and uncertainty; where we find true joy; and why
modesty and femininity are hallmarks of righteous women? How will our young men
learn to value women of God if we don’t show them the virtue of our virtues?
Every one of us has an overarching
obligation to model righteous womanhood because our youth may not see it
anywhere else. Every sister in Relief Society, which is the most significant
community of women on this side of the veil, is responsible to help our young
women make a joyful transition into Relief Society. This means our friendship
with them must begin long before they turn 18. Every one of us can mother
someone—beginning, of course, with the children in our own families but
extending far beyond. Every one of us can show by word and by deed that the
work of women in the Lord’s kingdom is magnificent and holy. I repeat: We are
all mothers in Israel, and our calling is to love and help lead the rising
generation through the dangerous streets of mortality.” (Sheri L. Dew, “Are We
Not All Mothers?”, October 2001)
We are all mothers in Israel. We need to
ask the Lord for inspiration and strength in how that manifests in our lives.
For me, part of following Eve’s example and mothering in Israel is preparing
and giving this talk. It is daily striving to be an example of Jesus Christ. It
is testifying to nieces and nephews, to the children of friends, to my sisters
in Relief Society and to the world at large that the Atonement of Jesus Christ
brings peace and strength. It is kicking to the curb the feelings of
inadequacy, invisibility, and abandonment when they arise. It is putting my
trust in my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. It is being kind to those I come
in contact with at work who are angry and cruel. It is teaching the students I
meet as a substitute and in summer school about actions and consequences, about
agency, about living and acting to their fullest potential. It is saying yes to
speaking in church when I really want to sit on the back pew being grumpy and
grumbly. It is searching and fighting for the celestial in a telestial world.
It is daily waking up and preparing myself to take on the Adversary.
Eve,
in choosing to partake of the fruit and joyfully accepting the consequences of
the Fall, gave us an example of motherhood and womanhood that should inspire us
to arm ourselves in the armor of God and move forward in the Gospel of Jesus
Christ. We need to act as righteous women. To move forward in faith. To join
the ranks of the noble and great ones who daily accessed the Atonement of Jesus
Christ to take on the Adversary that wants us to sit on the back pew being
grumpy and grumbly and miserable. We cannot let him win.
RESOURCES
Beck, Julie B., “A ‘Mother Heart.’”,
April 2004, https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2004/04/a-mother-heart?lang=eng&query=motherhood
Dew, Sheri L., “Are We Not All Mothers?”,
September 2001, https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2001/10/are-we-not-all-mothers?lang=eng&query=eve
Dew, Sheri L., “It Is Not Good for Man or
Woman to Be Alone.”, October 2001, https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2001/10/it-is-not-good-for-man-or-woman-to-be-alone?lang=eng&query=eve
Eyring, Henry B., “Daughters in the
Covenant.”, March 2014, https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/daughters-in-the-covenant?lang=eng&query=eve
Faust, James E., “What t Means to Be a
Daughter of God.”, September 1999, https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1999/10/what-it-means-to-be-a-daughter-of-god?lang=eng&query=eve
Jensen, Virgina U., “Ripples”, September
2000, https://www.lds.org/general-conference/sessions/2000/10?lang=eng
Nelson, Russell M., “Lessons from Eve.”,
October 1987, https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1987/10/lessons-from-eve?lang=eng&query=eve
Oaks, Dallin H., “The Great Plan of
Happiness.”, October 1993, https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1993/10/the-great-plan-of-happiness?lang=eng&query=eve
